My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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