I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
