it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
