I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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