oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
