Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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