Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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