I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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