You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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