how can u be prego again
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
