then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
