its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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