About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
