After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
