I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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