so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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