You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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