i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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