My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
