My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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