you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
