if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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