Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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