I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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