Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
