There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
