it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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