Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
