I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
