Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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