ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
