SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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