Your face is a jimmy john
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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