As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
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Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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