even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
