Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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