worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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