Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
