I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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