She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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