Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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