girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
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She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
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somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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