she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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