So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
