Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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