Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
