you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
