Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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