Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
