i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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