My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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