apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
