I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
