I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
