If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
